tearing at thoughts

tearing at thoughts leaves me feeling exposed. Through writing, art and photography I offer snapshots of unnamed lives fading from view. Places where fear consumes and relationships are not dances of love and connections, but rusting fragments of abuse. But what happens on those edges when fear is met with love? I invite you to weave yourself with the invisible and feel what happens.

Pre order from 79 rat press.

tearing at thoughts Pre Order

tearing at thoughts is available to pre order from 79 rat press from today. There are just 25 copies in the limited edition print run.

To pre-order your copy of tearing at thoughts, simply Paypal £6 to songsfromtheothersideofthewall@googlemail.com and add £1 for UK postage or £3 for postage anywhere in the world outside the UK, and stating you would like tearing at thoughts and your address. At May's exchange rate, including shipping, that is around US$13.82 to the US, CA$14.02 to Canada, AU$13.86 to Australia and 10.66 Euros to Europe.

All copies pre-ordered by the end of May 17th will be dispatched so as to arrive on or before Saturday June 8th. All orders will be acknowledged by email within 12 hours of receipt.

Whilst you are there, I recommend you look at the other titles and consider their purchase, they all sound unique.

So how about a little more about tearing at thoughts, other than it leaves me feeling exposed. Well here is what 79 rat press say about the release:

"Andy Harrod fuses media more perfectly than any other writer in the UK today. Blending art, photography, conceptual typography, poetry and prose with a musical sensibility that earworms its way inside you as you read, spending time with this collection is like watching in horror and amazement a skilled surgeon take the top off your head and lay every part of your mind out in front of you. It is impossible to read this book without coming away with a profoundly changed sense of yourself."

I am still picking myself up off the floor. To have my work received in this way is one thing, to have it published and the opportunity for my writing to reach out and connect with other people is quite another.

Whilst here is what I think and feel I am trying to capture with tearing at thoughts:

tearing at thoughts is a collection of writing, art and photography exploring lives on the discarded edges. Where desire to connect dances with fear that strangles. Snapshots of lives layer and fade, inviting the reader to weave their self with the residue that remains. Circling in on an internal fragility and strength, whilst drawing the reader out onto the edge with the broken silences.

Finally I am not sure I will ever write anything quite so beautiful again, so get your copy whilst you can.

Pre order from 79 rat press. Where you can also read more about the other titles in the NOTHING TO SAY collection and find out about the NOTHING TO SAY installation.

Plenty to Say

Interviews with the contributors to NOTHING TO SAY are now available.

I don't feel it is a coincidence that a few of us have said similar things...

Get to know us all and find out what I am talking about when I say 'It may only ever be written in memories'. Read more at PLENTY TO SAY.

Never About The Money

Anne at Write Enough invited me onto her Writing for Love or Money Series, which was a pleasure to write for. Find out why I would rather feel exposed than comprise my writing expression. Read Never About The Money. Thanks Anne for the invite.

Undercover Soundtrack Giveaway

I ran a giveaway with my Undercover Soundtrack and the winner is Chris Galvin Nguyen with the “music of Silence. Silence under sound”. Thank you to all who entered and your comments. It was a very difficult choice as all entries offered music which spoke to the person and I could see the importance and value of those choices to them. However Chris’ offering stopped and tugged at me. After allowing the words to ferment, I can see love in those moments of silence where nothing else needs to be said, it is just felt. After all the motion of living, it is the underlying connections of love that brings joy, hope and sadness, to us. When there is nothing, love in all its guises, is what will be remembered.

Congratulations Chris. I will be in touch to post out your copy of Living Room Stories and print of two from tearing at thoughts.

tearing at thoughts : cover

The cover for tearing at thoughts has been released.

I am very pleased with it. The cover image is by Eleanor Bennett and I believe it captures the essence of NOTHING TO SAY and the idea behind the exhibition. For my collection it also captures that sense of exposure I feel. For each piece was produced in a space where I was still and uncensored. Be it that place of noise which is lonely, where fear circles and strangles (Strangled by Fear, Twilight) or where I delved deep through screaming guitars, battered dreams and vibrating piano strings echoing, echoing, echoing, until I had spat out my disgust at the betrayals (Empty Embrace and Rust I). The particular truths I developed in those moments are ones I feel are not spoken and keeps the lost hidden.

You can view the covers for all the collections, they look very smart all together, and the exhibition poster at NOTHING TO SAY.

Evie and Guy by Dan Holloway

Evie and Guy by Dan Holloway is a book without words but instead Dan has composed Evie and Guy using only numbers. The focus is on masturbation events and through this Evie and Guy’s relationship and lives unfold. So far I have only skimmed Evie and Guy, but already I am starting to feel for the characters, imagining who they are and how they interact. I have even glimpsed stained and faded wallpaper! I will be setting aside a block of time to consider it without a head full of pressing concerns, which I feel would diminish the experience. As if I was going to an art gallery to view and enjoy an exhibition, I wouldn’t take an essay to write at the same time!

I have found Evie and Guy occupying my thoughts and the more I think about the book, the more I see it as art and an attempt to bring writing back into the realm of art. Here I am thinking of art as a creative process that challenges the viewer, provides alternative perspectives and have many meanings; where the viewer’s sense of meaning is equally if not more important than the artist’s in their attempt to communicate what is important to them. Whilst there is a place (and a well needed one in our busy lives) for books that provide escapism and do not ask of us, sadly the popularity of this and the money to be made from it, has driven out books that questions the reader and demands their engagement in the reading process. Evie and Guy asks of the reader and as readers are we able to create our own story and meaning? Are we willing to appreciate the artistic effort in providing the framework for this?

I imagine Evie and Guy as an art exhibition, each page hung on the wall. I would have them in a random order so to engage with the narrative of their lives would involve a criss-crossing movement of the rooms or if read in a linear fashion a criss-crossing of the mind as a fresh layer of dates and times and durations are added. Both ways create a space to ask what does this mean for Evie and Guy as individuals and as a couple? I can imagine buying Evie and Guy and reading pages at random and holding the glimpses into Evie’s and Guy’s lives and piecing together my own story for them.

Dan has taken a risk and I believe it a risk worth taking, which presents a new reading experience and challenges authors to consider what is the story I wish to tell and how do I want to do that. Do I dare step out of my comfort zone and begin to play with what exposes, to take risks with what I offer? For the reader it asks of them what is it that I want from a book, how much I am prepared to invest into being with that book. In a society where sadly, I feel I could argue, a comfortable boredom pervades, Evie and Guy is refreshing and I hope it is picked up by readers and appreciated as the art it is. I view Dan as the author, as the artist as being left exposed by presenting this challenge to writers and readers and that is what I feel makes Evie and Guy challenging and worth engaging with. That exposure, I feel, is the result of taking thoughtful risks, of presenting a book full of meaning, where the readers meaning, what feels right for them is taken as the most important aspect of the book. It focuses on the internal experience of the reader and does not provide an external one, which is so very rare these days.

Evie and Guy is published by 79 rat press and is available in paperback and as a downloadable pdf on a pay as you like basis from Dan Holloway.

The Undercover Soundtrack

Thanks to Roz for inviting me onto The Undercover Soundtrack to talk about the music that inspires my writing, specifically, Living Room Stories and tearing at thoughts. Living Room Stories was inspired by music, whilst I view tearing at thoughts as an album. Each piece works separately, but together they layer and resonate the unspoken and the lost. The post also offers the first clues to what tearing at thoughts may be about.

Found out what I mean by 'That place of noise is lonely, where fear circles and strangles.' and which song I chose to represent that place at The Undercover Soundtrack. Where there is also a giveway of 1 handmade signed copy of Living Room Stories and a signed print of two from tearing at thoughts. To enter leave a comment after the post or tweet the song that represents love for you. I will pick his favourite. If you take the tweet option, include the link to the post and the hashtag #undersound. Good luck!

Another Place

nowhere

He peers into the mirror, noticing dark patches, two days growth. He digs out sleep from the corners of his eyes; turns, walks away. Leaving dull eyes reflecting.
       The sun is setting, blood red. A mother stands dried eyed at a mound. Dry crumbs are plucked by the wind. She shifts a baby in her arms and reaches out for her husband’s hand, but he lies next to their son.
       Inside four walls he spoons dark brown granules into a mug. The kettle hisses, boiling water turns the granules dirty black. He squints at the sun, pouring through the windows, picks up the paper and walks off into the shadows of the lounge. He picks his way through the supplements to the sport pages.
       Bare foot a young boy dribbles a stone, he splashes through an open drain and runs pass her. He brings a smile to her face. She remembers the farm, her husband playing with their son. She remembers picking and packing the beans. She remembers his face before and after market, the small pile of notes. ‘There would be more money in the city’. He wasn’t wrong, but not here.
       He shakes out his paper and glances at a photo of a father. He skims the article, wife, child, dead. He catches the advert out of the corner of his eye. Electrically multi-adjustable heated front seats. Prices too low, farm abandoned, community lost. Finance packages available, £169.99 a month. A fairer price. Luxury comes as standard.
       He sips his coffee, alone. He thinks about the car. He’s not talked to anyone all weekend. He thinks about his 5am start tomorrow. He thinks again about the car.
       She wishes they had not left. He wishes they had not abandoned hope. Family, friends, smiles, laughter, gone. She, he, lie alone under corrugated sheets.
       A fairer price. Luxury comes as standard. A fairer price. Luxury comes as standard. A fairer price. Luxury comes as standard. A fairer price. Luxury comes as standard. A fairer price.. Luxury comes as standard. A fairer price. Luxury comes as standard. A fairer price. Luxury comes as standard. A fairer price. Luxury comes as standard. A fairer price. Luxury comes as standard. A fairer price.. Luxury comes as standard. A fairer price. Luxury comes as standard.

This story first appeared at Guerrilla Midgie Publishing due to a comment from Cally regarding posting a story. These are the words that came along. Guerrilla Midgie Publishing's aim is to publish work which advocates for and on behalf of those whose voices are otherwise unheard and/or social issues which we feel are important to put in the public domain. Currently they are posting about Fairtrade Fortnight and a different product a day and are asking for stories about those Fairtrade products.

Turning nowhere into somewhere

Whilst I feel a lot is improving for the producers since I first became aware of Fairtrade (2003) I feel there is still a long way to go. It is time to acknowledge what we as a western society are destroying due to our disconnection in the west with what we eat and drink and our sense of community. There has been a drive for faster, cheaper and more productivity for a long time now which has led to great inequalities and disconnection within the world and individual societies. Whilst there is no doubt that Fairtrade helps the producers, there is also a lot that we as a western society can relearn about what community means and what the true cost is for produce via engaging with Fairtrade. This has to go far beyond a fortnight and become part of our everyday lives.